How to Get the Wedding You Want

Your wedding day should be perfect – dozens of guests ooh-ing and ah-ing as you float down the aisle in a flowing white dress, the picturesque stone chapel bursting with garlands of beautiful flowers…or does it? What if a small, private affair is what you’re really after?

Although it’s shared by others, your wedding day is a deeply personal experience. Just as we all have different tastes and want different things out of life, so too is a wedding day unique to every individual – some of us want the full-on princess day and others a more modest celebration of love. Alas, many brides feel pushed into a celebration that others expect, not what they want. If this is you, read on to find out how you can get your wedding plans back on track…

Banish the Bridezilla

In recent times, the spoiled wannabe-princess bride stamping her feet and demanding the moon on a stick has become not only acceptable but fashionable behaviour. We. Say. No. Acting like a bridezilla is not the way to get what you want – not only is it rude and, quite frankly, anti-social behaviour, but counter-productive, too. One attracts more flies with honey than vinegar, capiche? Kill bridezilla and be a smart bride, instead. In a word, negotiate.

Set Goals

Wedding goals…really? Indeed! The very first step in planning your wedding is to decide what kind of a wedding you actually want. At this stage, think blue-sky – jot down your ideas of your ideal wedding, and ask your fiancé to do the same. Consider:

Whether you’re a traditionalist or like to break the rules
Whether you’d opt for a religious or civil ceremony
Where you’d like to get married
Time of year
Time of day
The formality of the occasion
How many people you’d like to attend
Whether the ceremony or the reception is the main focus of the day.

Then, sit down with your spouse-to-be and compare your versions of a dream wedding. Keep it light and drama-free – the aim of the exercise is not to get your own way but to establish whether or not you’re on the same page. Note the differences and focus on the commonalities – these will give you a solid foundation on which to build your plans. Once you have defined the common ground, seek out your personal indulgences, or the elements of your dream wedding that you can’t do without – ask your future spouse to choose one must-have element on their dream wedding list and you do the same from yours. Chat about how you can work these two elements into a common wedding vision.

Manage the Family

Like it or not, most of us have to deal with our families’ expectations of what a wedding should entail. Not dealing with this issue early on will only set you up for conflict down the line, so best get everyone on board your wedding train. Gather key family members together and ask them about what sort of wedding they imagine you should have. Bear in mind:

Your family’s expectations may closely align with societal conventions but deviate strongly from what you have in mind
Making family members feel included in the process from the get-go can smooth the way for achieving what you want later on
Your families may have budgetary or specific religious or cultural concerns and you should be sensitive to these
Listen to your family’s viewpoints and show a willingness to collaborate – ask each set of parents for one must-have element of a perfect wedding and see where you can accommodate these in your plans
Be clear and firm about your own wishes and don’t be bullied into doing that which makes you feel uncomfortable or unhappy.

Work with What You’ve Got…

Melting down because daddy is refusing to pay for that destination wedding at a five-star beach resort? Reality check! See it from his perspective – yes, the father of the bride does traditionally foot the wedding bill, but unless your dad is rolling in dough, it’s naive to expect him to singlehandedly fund a lavish wedding wish list. He wants to see his little girl have the best time possible, so meet him halfway with a frank father-daughter talk to discuss what he can realistically contribute financially to your big day. Ask, don’t argue, and work from there.

Or Pay Your Own Way

He who pays the piper calls the tune! If you absolutely must have a white wedding with all the bells and whistles, why not dig deep into your own pocket? Benefits of paying for your own wedding include:

It’s the only sure-fire way to get what you really want
The freedom to invite only the people you really want to be there
The satisfaction of knowing that your wedding is the fruit of your own hard work
Greater appreciation of your special day
Gaining the respect of others, who will be more likely to pitch in and help you, either financially or by committing their time and talent to helping you achieve the best wedding ever.

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How to Get the Wedding You Want

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